


Shattered

by ShadowsintheClouds



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Tony Stark, DO NOT COPY, Graphic Injury, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Tony Stark, M/M, Mute Tony Stark, Protective Steve Rogers, Sick Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Top Steve Rogers, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:20:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28949571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowsintheClouds/pseuds/ShadowsintheClouds
Summary: Tony enjoyed the simple things. Simple things like kissing his boyfriend and working in the lab. He was happy. Really happy. Steve made him happy and everyone else loved seeing Tony so happy. But, one freak accident in battle threatens to destroy that happiness. Will Tony make it through alright, or will this be the end of his happy ending?
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 36
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone and welcome to my new fic! Prepare for angst and tears. Updates will be a bit irregular as I’ll be posting when I’m done chapters and I’m still in school. I hope you enjoy this one. I’ve been planning it for a while. So, enjoy! Also, this story isn’t going to be 100% medically accurate. I tried my best to do my research but it’s not perfect so just keep that in mind. So, happy reading. -Shadows

For once in their lives, everything seemed to be perfect. There hadn’t been a callout in a few months, SI’s stocks were doing amazing, They were happy. Neither Tony nor Steve could ever remember being this happy.

The two did almost everything together. They were made for each other. They were two halves of one whole. They were happy.

Steve had been the one to ask Tony out a few months after SHIELD fell and all the Avengers began living together while taking down what remained of HYDRA. Tony had recently gotten his arc reactor removed and had also just broken up with Pepper. Tony had been moody and grouchy after the breakup and Steve decided that the man needed some company.

Steve pretty much barged into Tony’s lab and plonked down on the sofa and just sat there learning.

From there the two got to know each other beyond the personality profiles that SHIELD gave them back during Loki’s invasion. They joked and learned about each other. Tony learned about Steve’s childhood and his hopes and dreams while Steve learned about all the bullshit Tony went through as a child. By the end of that talk, both of them loathed Howard Stark.

Two months later Steve asked Tony out on a date and the rest was history.

Tony and Steve didn’t keep secrets from each other. Steve told Tony about Bucky and what he did to his parents once he had all the information. Tony was rightfully upset about his Mom, but Steve gave him the comfort and space he needed to process what happened. It made things easier when they found Bucky and Brought him to the tower. Tony even made him a new arm.

In return, Tony told Steve about what happened in the bunker in Sokovia and what he’d seen. Steve managed to talk Tony down from his panic and his idea to relaunch the Ultron Project. They also worked together to take down the Maximoff twins. Apparently, they had a misplaced vendetta against Tony and neither could really be reasoned with. The new SHIELD were in charge of keeping them contained.

Two months after they found the sceptre the Avengers moved into a new compound upstate complete with new labs, a large training space, and a fully operational medical wing. 

Two weeks after that, Steve proposed.

Steve had planned that night meticulously. While Tony and Bruce were working hard down in the lab on some new smart medical equipment, Steve was making sure he had Tony’s favourite food ready to go as well as some dessert, candles, rose petals, and of course the ring he planned to propose with. It was all set up in their room and Steve was bouncing with excitement and nervousness.

“What’s all this?” asked Tony as he entered the room to see Steve sitting on an old blanket.

“Well, you’ve been working so hard lately I thought you deserved a little treat.” Smiled Steve and Tony made his way over to sit at Steve’s side.

“It’s always a treat when I get to stare at you hot stuff.”

The two set over an hour just talking and eating. It wasn’t often they got so much uninterrupted time to themselves so they took advantage of it. They shared stories of their day and laughed about how awkward it was in training with Steve being the leader of the team but Rhodey being a much higher military rank even though Steve was army and Rhodey was air force.

“Hey, dance with me.” Smiled Steve as he got up and pulled Tony into his arms.

“You know I’ll never say no to dancing with you. And to think you were once nervous about dancing with me.” Smiled back Tony as Steve took him into his arms.

“Well, I’d never danced with such a pretty fella before.”

The two swayed back and forth to the music JARVIS played for them. As they danced arm in arm, Steve began to feel nervous. He had to stop himself from reaching into his pocket to check that the ring he’d picked out was still there. As they continued to dance, Steve knew it was time to ask. Tony was happy and in his arms, it was perfect.

“You know how much I love you, right?” asked Steve as Tony pulled away a bit to look up at him.

“Of course I do. You promised when we started dating to tell me every day until I believed you. And I believe you. What’s all this about?” asked Tony and Steve knew it was time.

So, Steve pulled back from Tony, knelt down on one knee, and pulled a sparkling gold ring with a single sapphire out of his pocket and held it up to Tony.

“Tony Stark, will you do me the honour of marrying me?”

Tony stood there in shock. His hands were shaking and he was at a loss for words. All he could do was nod his head as a few start tears fell from his eyes. Steve smiled brightly as a few tears of his won formed. He slid the ring onto Tony’s finger and stood up to pull his now fiancé into his arms. The two instantly fell into a passionate kiss as Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck and Steve’s hands rested on Tony’s waist.

“I love you Tony Stark.” Whispered Steve as he pulled back to let Tony catch his breath.

“I love you, Steve Rogers.”

“You know, we are right next to the bed.” Smirked Steve as he slid his hands a little bit lower.

“I like your thinking. Plus I heard that newly engaged sex is awesome.”

It didn’t take long before the two had devested each other of their clothes and were making out on the bed like a couple of horny teenagers. Hands wandered as the two got all hot and bothered. Eventually, Steve managed to reach over to the bedside table to pull out the tube of lube they were currently using. It didn’t take long before Steve was fingering Tony open while sucking hickeys onto his neck.

“Fuck, Steve. Yes! Please, right there.” Moaned Tony as Steve aimed his fingers just right.

“Fuck Sweet Heart. You like it when I touch you there? Love hearing how loud you are.” Moaned Steve as he removed his fingers and began lubing up his cock.

“Fuck, you know I do stud.”

When Steve slid inside Tony, Tony practically screamed out Steve’s name. Steve just smiled and started thrusting in hard. He always loved how loud and talkative Tony was in bed. Half the time it just made Steve want to kiss all the noises right out of him. 

“Fuck, Steve. So close. Right there, so fucking close…” cried out Tony as Steve’s thrusts picked up.

Moments later Tony was cumming around with a loud moan that triggered Steve’s orgasm. The two collapsed into each other's arms. They were breathing heavily and just holding each other close while trading little kisses. At that moment, the only that in the world that mattered was each other. 

“I love you, Tony. So damn much.” Whispered Steve as he pulled Tony's head to his chest and the blankets around them.

“And I love you, Steve. I’d be a wreck without you. How the hell did I get so lucky?”

“I should be the one asking you that. You make everything better Tony. You make it all worthwhile.”

The two fell asleep that night entangled in each other’s arms. 

The next day when Tony and Steve told all of their friends there was a flurry of excitement. Everyone was smiling and money was exchanged as bets were won. Natasha and Rhodey took home a lot of money that day. But, even with some bets lost, every last Avengers was extremely happy for the couple. The same went for Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey’s family. They all had a bit of a celebration at the news.

A week after their engagement, Tony and Steve posted the news to their social media accounts. As predicted the internet went crazy. Fans of Tony and Steve went ballistic over the news. One teenage girl even got a nose bleed in her excitement. It was a little weird. And sure, there were the homophobic assholes who were overly vocal over Tony and Steve’s upcoming nuptials, but neither Tony nor Steve paid them any mind.

Over the next month, Tony and Steve entered into the stress that was planning their wedding. While they agreed on things such as desert and what to wear, they had some minor disagreements on other things such as the venue. While Steve wanted to have their wedding in Brooklyn, Tony was more for celebrating upstate in a nice field, probably at the compound. But, they had plenty of time to figure it all out. They hadn’t set a date yet so they weren’t worried. 

They were happy. Very, very happy. Tony couldn’t ever remember being this happy. Neither could Steve. They were together. They had good friends and family. They were happy.

Nothing could ruin their happiness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 incoming! Who’s excited? Well, I’m about to rip your hearts out. Happy reading -Shadows (This chapter goes out to my news writing teacher, Jim. Thank you for helping me be a better writer. RIP) 

In October of 2015, the Avengers got a call out to deal with a villain going by the name of Dr. Doom. Doom was a weird fellow. He was the leader of the very small country of Latveria and he had an affinity for technology. But, instead of using it for good and helping his people, he decided to make killer robots and terrorize everyone else. Normally, a group called The Fantastic Four dealt with him and his antics, but they were busy doing something else that day so the Avengers took the call. Actually, the Avengers had worked with the Fantastic Four on a few occasions. Their guy, Johnny Storm sure looked a lot like Steve but like, less beefy. Bucky and Tony liked to tease Steve about that.

But this wasn’t a fun call out. No, this call out would turn out to have very serious consequences.

While the other Avengers took care of the five Doom Bots that Dr. Doom had unleashed on Queens, Tony was busy tracking down the bomb Doom said he had planted in the area. Tony was the one on the team with the best weapons knowledge and he would be the one who was best suited to disarming the bomb.

The team was down to only one bot left when Tony located and made his way to the bomb. It was in a new apartment complex that was still under construction. It was hidden in the basement and Tony was quick to make his way down there to start disarming the bomb.

But, once tony laid his eyes on it he quickly realized that there was a problem.

The bomb sitting in the corner of the room was tiny. Very tiny, but Tony still knew that it could do a lot of damage. But, because it was so small and finicky, Tony knew he wouldn’t have the dexterity needed to disarm it. So, Tony made the decision to leave his suit. 

“I can’t get the bomb defused with my suit on. It’s too delicate. I’m stepping out.”

“Be careful Tony. We don’t know if Doom has hidden anything around the area. We just took out the last bot. We’ll be at your location in five minutes after we scout the area.” Replied Steve, his voice sounded worried but this was all part of the job.

“Roger that” smirked Tony as he got out of the suit and began his work.

As Tony carefully approached the explosive and opened it, he realized that this bomb was on a timer. A timer that only had ten seconds left. Not even remotely enough time to figure out how to defuse it. Tony instantly began to panic. He knew he didn’t have any time so all he could do was call for help and try and contain the blast. 

“I need back up to my location right now!” shouted Tony into the coms as he had JARVIS envelope the bomb with the suit to help contain the blast. 

Half a second later the bomb exploded and Tony was thrown back as his body erupted in pain. All Tony saw was red as he hit the ground. 

The team heard the explosion through their com units before Tony’s connection dropped. Instantly Steve began to panic. He began shouting over the coms for any information pertaining to Tony. He was worried. Tony was likely hurt and he wasn’t there with him. Luckily, Rhodey was nearby and he gave Steve a lift to the lactation JARVIS said Tony was at.

The building was still standing when they arrived and Steve took a mad dash to the basement to find Tony while Rhodey scanned the area for threats before tailing quickly behind him.

“Tony! Tony?” shouted Steve as he entered the basement area.

As Steve scanned the area he saw the scorch marks on the far wall and on the roof. The Iron Man armour was strewn about everywhere and in the middle of it lay Tony. Steve sprinted to his side and immediately began to panic when he saw the state that Tony was in. Pieces of the Iron Man armour had sliced up Tony’s body but the worst places were his right eye and throat. There was an impressively large piece embedded in Tony’s eye while another large piece was sitting in the middle of his neck while blood oozed sluggishly around it. As well, Tony’s right leg was sitting at an odd angle but that was the least of Steve’s worries.

“I need a med evac to my location right now! Tony’s down! I need medical!” shouted Steve as he checked to make sure Tony was still alive.

As Steve got closer, Tony opened his eye and looked up at Steve. He coughed and a small trickle of blood rolled off of his lips.

“Stee…” coughed Tony and Steve took one of his hands in his own while Steve’s other hand went to go and apply some pressure to the wound in Tony’s neck. He was extra careful not to apply too much and to not move the shrapnel at all.

“Hey... Hey... Shhh, Tony. Shhh. Love. Don’t talk. Don’t talk alright. Help is on the way. You’re gonna be alright.” Cried, Steve. His composure was slipping and Steve was absolutely terrified. The love of his life was bleeding out on the concrete and he was powerless to do anything except offer comfort. 

“Love… You… Steve…” rasped out Tony as blood sputtered from his mouth and the wound in his neck.

“And I love you Shellhead. Please. Please save your strength. You’re gonna be fine. I… I…” Steve’s voice shook as he talked. He could see Tony’s eyes beginning to droop and he began to panic further. 

Steve hardly noticed when the other Avengers arrived on the scene and began to panic in their own right. Rhodey had tears in his own eyes as he plonked down at Tony’s other side and relayed information to Bruce who was outside waiting for the medical crew.

“Steve, SHIELD is here with the air evac. Keep him awake.” Shouted Natasha and Steve nodded as he fussed over his fiancé.

“Hey sweetheart, stay with me. You’ll be alright. You’ll be alright.” Worried Steve, although the more he talked the words that Steve spoke seemed to be more to reassure himself and not Tony.

As Steve continued to talk, he noticed Tony’s eyes dropping further and his hand beginning to slack in Steve’s own. And that was when Steve truly began to panic. If Tony fell asleep now he might just slip off forever. He couldn’t lose Tony. He just couldn’t. He loved him!

“No! NO! TONY! STAY AWAKE! PLEASE! Please… Please stay awake…”

Tony drifted off to the sound of yelling and feet running closer. He felt warm. So, so warm. Tony liked the warmth. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for chapter 3! Who’s ready for more angst? Well, if you’re still here after the last chapter then I think we all know that you’re here to stay. So, enjoy the chapter. -Shadows

The second that arrived back at the compound, Tony was wheeled away for surgery. In his panic, Steve tried to follow and was pushed to the side and away from the operating room. Steve watched as the love of his life was wheeled away and that was when the reality of the situation began to hit him. Tony’s injuries were very severe. There was no denying that. What if that was the last time that Steve ever saw his beloved? What if “Love you Steve” were Tony’s last words.

Steve, still in his beaten and bloody uniform collapsed against the while walls of medical and slid down to the floor as he began sobbing. It took a great deal to get Steve crying. Now was one of those times. Steve’s head fell between his knees as his arms flopped over his knees. He just sat there sobbing in his soiled uniform, Tony’s blood still on his hands. He ignored the fact that the dirt on his unfirm stained the wall behind him. There were more important things on his mind. 

Natasha and Bucky were the first to arrive there in medical after the debrief. Rhodey would have been first but he was updating Happy and Pepper so that they could get to the compound as fast as possible. When the two arrived in medical Bucky was quick to get to Steve’s side and sit down with him. He slung his arm over Steve’s shoulders and just stayed there to let Steve know that he wasn’t alone. 

Natasha sat off to the side and got out her phone to pass the time. She knew that Tony would be in surgery for a long time if he were to survive this. Although they may have had a very rocky start, Tony and Natasha had grown close over the years. She really hoped that one of her best friends wasn’t dead on the operating table. Natasha also posted the situation to the Avengers' Twitter account. They had some PR rules that had to follow since they became a full-on organization and keeping the public informed on importing happenings was one of them. This was what the post read.

_This is the reality of our work. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. Sometimes one of our own gets hurt. Earlier today during Dr. Doom’s attack on Queens, our own Tony Stark took a hit while defusing a bomb that was planted in the area. He’s currently in surgery and we’re all hoping for the best. The Avengers request that you all respect both Tony and Steve’s privacy during this time._

_We’re all hoping for the best._

Not long after Natasha sent the post, the other Avengers arrived and took their seats. Rhodey took up residence on Steve’s other side as they all anxiously waited for any news on Tony. Any news at all would be better than the deafening silence that permeated the hallway they were all crowded in. At one point Sam went to go bring everyone some much-needed drinks and snacks.

Steve didn’t take his. He just sat there numbly. He didn’t know what he’d do if Tony died. He didn’t think that he could go on without him. Not after everything they’d been through.

After nearly six hours one of the doctors came into the hall to let everyone know what was going on.

“He’s alive.”

Instantly the hall felt lighter. There were tears in people’s eyes and Steve was so glad that he was sitting down or he would have fallen to his knees.

“It’ll be touch and go for a while, but for now he’s stable. Mr. Rogers, Mr. Rhodes, if you’d like to follow me. As Mr. Stark’s medical proxies we have some more information for you.”

Steve and Rhodey got to their feet on shaky legs and followed the doctor off to a side room near where Tony was. Steve wanted so badly to run to Tony’s side to see how bad everything was, but he stayed put. This was important if he wanted to help Tony.

“I’ll cut right to the chase,” began the doctor and Steve and Rhodey listened closely. “Mr. Stark is in bad shape. The metal in his neck sliced through his vocal cords quite profoundly. We tried to save them but the damage what extremely extensive and they had to be removed. I’m sorry but in his condition, it is extremely unlikely that Mr. Stark will ever talk again.” 

That news hit Steve like a bag of bricks. Tony would never be able to talk again? But Tony’s voice was his greatest weapon. It protected him against the mobs of reporters. It made Steve laugh. Tears welled up in Steve’s eyes. He’d never hear Tony laugh again. He’d never hear him make a snarky joke in battle. Never hear him cry out in pleasure. No more soft words after nightmares. And Steve couldn’t even begin to imagine how Tony would feel when he learned that he’d lost his voice.

But, despite Steve’s little crisis, the doctor continued on.

“As well, the damage done to his eye was also extensive. It is likely he’ll be blind in the eye assuming we can fully save the area. The bone there was shattered but for now, it’s stable and we’ve got it under observation. As for his leg, there was a small fracture to his knee cap that will heal with time and shouldn’t add to any of our current worries. Right now we have him sedated and he will most likely stay that way for at least a week. Now, would you like to see him?”

Steve nodded through the tears in his eyes and Rhodey voiced his wishes to see Tony. So, the two got up and followed the doctor around the corner to Tony’s room. 

“Make sure that you wash your hands and put on a mask before you go into his room. Mr. Stark is in a delicate condition and we don’t want to introduce any kind of infection.” 

Steve thoroughly washed his hands and threw a mask on before he entered Tony’s room. He almost fainted when he saw his fiancé on the bed covered in bandages and wires. There was a neck brace around Tony’s neck and half of his face was covered in bandages and there was a little bit of blood around the edges.

Steve and Rhodey instantly raced to Tony’s side. Rhodey just plonked himself down in a chair and sighed as he watched his oldest friend laying in the bed before him. He slowly took his own seat and reached out gingerly to take Tony’s right hand. His own hands were shaking and it felt like all at once, everything came crashing down. 

“God Tony. Please, please don’t leave me.” Cried Tony as he carefully held Tony’s hand in his.

“I love you so much, Tony. Please… Please come back to me. Please.”

“I love you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how are we feeling after that last chapter? Sad? Well, I hope you’re ready for more of that. This is one angsty fic. So, strap in and enjoy the angst. -Shadows

It was six days before the doctors took Tony off of the sedation. Six days filled with worry. Six days were Steve didn’t leave Tony’s side. He had his friends bring him things he’d need when he needed them when they came to check in on Tony. But Steve? He didn’t leave his Tony. He pretty much lived in medical. The only time he left was to go shower.

Rhodey was in and out a lot. Same with Pepper, Happy, and everyone else. They all wanted to check in on Tony to make sure he was still alive. They also checked in on Steve and made sure he had the things he needed.

One of the tiny upsides was that Tony was completely stable after four days and Steve no longer had to wear a mask in the room. He still had to wash his hands though, but Steve had no issues there. If it kept Tony healthy he’d gladly continue to wear the mask. The handwashing was a no brainer as well. 

Steve was a nervous wreck as the doctors and nurses took Tony off of the sedation. He just needed to know that Tony was alright and he was getting incredibly impatient. Surprisingly in their relationship, Tony was more patient than Steve was. Not by much though.

As the doctors and nurses took Tony off of the sedation they warned Steve that it may take a little while for Tony to come around and that once he did he would be very disoriented with everything that had happened. Steve promised to call them one Tony woke up for more than a minute. They all left the room Steve was right back at Tony’s side. Right where he belonged. 

“I know you like to sleep in Sweetheart, but it’s time to get up now. I’m worried about you.” Whispered Steve as he retook Tony’s right hand in his and gave it a small kiss.

Three hours later, Tony began to take up.

Tony came back to consciousness quite quickly. It was the pain that woke him up. It felt like his face and throat were on fire. That was one red flag in the multitude that were quickly springing up. Tony knew that something was very, very wrong.

With a stuttering breath, Tony slowly pried his left eye open. And that on its own was weird. Why couldn’t he open his right eye? Why did it hurt so badly? The light in the room as well as the sound of a heart monitor were very much overstimulating to Tony’s senses so Tony tried to turn his head into the pillow he was laying on. He very quickly learned that he couldn’t. There was something hard around his neck.

“Hey, hey baby doll. Shh. Shh. It’s ok. Just stay still Tony. You’re safe. I’ve got you.” Soothed Steve and once Tony recognized the voice he sank back into the blankets around him. Steve was there! He’d make sure he was alright.

It took a moment longer for Tony to realize that he was both thirsty and still in pain and he very much wanted to remedy both of those. So Tony squinted up at Steve and opened his mouth to ask for some water.

No sound came out except for a little garbled noise. 

“Hey, Tony. It’s alright. It’s ok. Don’t… don’t…” spoke Steve. There were tears in his eyes. Why were there tears in his eyes?

Tony lifted his left hand a bit to feel at his neck. There was a hard case around it. A neck brace! There were also bandages all over his right eye. That must be why he couldn’t open it.

“You’re… you’re hurt pretty bad Sweetheart. Just… just don’t move too much, ok. I’ll go call the doctor.” Worried Steve as he reached over and pushed the call button on the side of Tony’s bed. Seconds later the doctor was there along with a few nurses who quickly made sure that Tony got the medication he needed. Thank fuck for nurses.

As the pain meds did their job Tony began to feel a little bit better and was in a better frame of mind to listen to the doctor.

“Mr. Stark, I’m glad you’re awake.” Smiled the doctor and Tony blinked up a bit sluggishly. They gave him the good drugs.

“Now. I’m sure that you have some questions So I’ll cut right to the chase. I know how you prefer bluntness.” Continued the doctor. Tony noticed that Steve began to grip his hand tighter. Something was really off about this.

“Mr. Stark, you were injured quite badly. Because of the blast, you have a small fracture to your right knee cap that will heal with time. As well, your right eye was badly damaged. We won’t know if you retained any vision until the bone there has healed and we can remove the bandages.

Now, as for the brace around your neck. You suffered some extreme damage to both your vocal cords and your artery. Fortunately, we were able to get your artery stable. Unfortunately, we were unable to save your vocal cords and they had to be removed. It is unlikely that you’ll ever talk again. I’m sorry Mr. Stark.” 

Now, while Tony appreciated the bluntness, he couldn’t help but feel absolutely shocked at the news. So shocked that he passed out and Steve began to panic. 

When Tony came back around, the doctor and nurses had gone and only Steve remained at his side. He was trying to hide his own sobs as he tucked a nice, warm blanket around Tony. Tony blinked up as his fiancé and reached up to grab his hand. Steve quickly saw that Tony was awake and took his hand while returning to the seat at his side. He brought Tony’s hand up to his lips and kissed the knuckles. Despite the situation, kisses from Steve never failed to make Tony’s heart flutter.

“I’m sorry Tony. I’m so, so sorry.” Cried Steve and a few tears fell from Tony’s eye in response.

“We’ll be alright though. We will. I’ll take care of you. Fuck, I love you so much.”

Tony just looked up at the love of his life and tried to smile. It was a bit hard but he got there. Steve smiled sadly back and leaned in to kiss Tony’s forehead.

_“I Love You”_

Tony used his free hand to sign that to Steve. The entire team knew sign language because Clint had hearing problems and wore hearing aids. They all learned ASL to help him out. Looked like learning that had come in handy since that was currently his only method of communication until he got a pen or a StarkPad. Although Tony really didn’t mind signing. He just didn’t like how his signs got a bit jumbles if he was tired or shaky.

“I love you too Tony. Love you more than anything.”

Tony eventually fell back asleep to Steve holding his hand and telling him how everyone else was doing. It was nice to know that everyone else was ok. The next day, the others were allowed to visit Tony in small groups. Happy, Rhodey, and Pepper got to go first. They’d been really worried about Tony and were relieved to see him awake. The visits were short because Tony was still exhausted and he needed his rest. The doctors and nurses were in and out the entire day. Tony was quite annoyed that he had to deal with having a feeding tube down his nose until his throat healed. He understood why, but it was not helping his pain and discomfort.

Tony had periods of wakefulness followed by long periods of rest. The extent of Tony’s injuries mixed with the medication he was on just left Tony utterly exhausted. So, he spent his time sleeping. When he was awake Steve was at his side just talking to him. He kept Tony grounded. He didn’t know how he’d be dealing with all of this if Steve wasn’t at his side.

But then, all too soon, Tony took a turn for the worst. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst? More angst. I told you at the start that this would be one angsty motherfucker. So, strap in and enjoy the ride. -Shadows

Three days after Tony woke up, he was struck down with a horrible infection. His injured eye had begun to swell and cause Tony extreme pain and discomfort as the infection spread around his face. It broke Steve’s heart to see Tony laying there in pain. He couldn’t do anything to help but hold Tony’s hand and whisper encouragement.

Once the infection was detected, the doctors started Tony on a course of antibiotics and twice-daily cleanings of the area. It was horrible to see Tony hooked up to even more IV lines. It was even worse when Tony had to have his eye cleaned. Tony would grip his hand in an iron vice as tears rolled down his cheeks from the pain. Steve wished that he could take Tony’s pain away. His love had been through so much already. Had endured too much. Tony deserved so much better. 

What made things worse was that a day into the new treatment Tony’s fever spiked and he started to throw up. Throwing up was absolutely horrible for Tony’s healing neck and that set him back even further. There were a few times where Tony almost went septic but he didn’t. Thank fuck for that. 

Tony was mostly in and out of consciousness while the doctors waited to see if the treatment would do anything. Steve stayed by his side the entire time and updated everyone else on Tony’s condition. Needless to say, everyone was worried sick. 

During the times Tony was more lucid, there were tears in his eyes. Tony never cried. Steve knew that that was because of how Howard has raised him. So seeing tears so regularly let Steve know exactly how horrible Tony was feeling.

“Don’t worry Sweetheart, you’ll be alright. I’m not leaving you. I’m here. I’m not leaving.” Soothed Steve after one horrible bought of throwing up.

 _“I love you.”_ Was all Tony was able to sign back with his shaky hands.

That seemed to be a repeated phrase between the two of them since the incident. Just a reminder that they loved each other while the very fabric of their happy little reality had been shattered and replaced with doctors and IV drips.

A few days after the infection was discovered, Steve had to write out a statement to the press over what had happened. He didn’t want to, but the world was growing restless without any news on what was going on. So Steve composed the statement at Tony’s bedside while he slept and handed it off to Sam when he came to visit.

_Hello everybody and thank you for your patience. Tony hasn’t been doing so great lately and it’s been really hard on the team. I won’t go into specifics, but Tony’s hurt really bad. We ask that at this time you respect both Tony and I’s privacy as we work through this. As well, at this time I will be temporarily stepping down from my position with the Avengers to stay at Tony’s side. In the meantime Colonel James Rhodes, aka War Machine, will be up as leader of the Avengers. Thank you all for your understanding as we all hope that Tony recovers well._

_-Steve Rogers_

The statement Steve posted was met with an outpouring of support, although Steve didn’t look at all the posts coming in from people he didn’t know. He just cared about Tony. Always about his Tony.

As the days marched on it became increasingly clear that the medication wasn’t working the infection wasn’t getting better. So, it was time for more tests, x-rays, and MRIs to try and find the root of the problem. Steve didn’t like the MRIs because he couldn’t be in the room with Tony. Although Tony had been asleep the entire time. When you’re forced to stay still for over half an hour with nothing to do, sometimes the best thing to do was take a much-needed nap.

It didn’t take long after that for the doctors to have an answer as to what was going on and what they needed to do. Neither Tony nor Steve liked what was about to happen. 

The infection had spread from Tony’s eye to the broken bone surrounding it. Because of this, Tony’s eye as well as a nice chunk of bone would need to be removed to stop the infection from spreading. Because of this, the area would need to be packed and closed over. This unfortunately meant that Tony wasn’t going to get any sort of glass eye to try and keep up his appearance. He’d be scared and eyeless.

To say that Tony was distressed at the news was an understatement. Losing an eye was a big deal. This was not only major surgery but also a major life change. So not only was Tony not feeling well, but he was also panicking at the thought of surgery. Tony had had surgery a few times now. He hated it. The uncertainty made him feel faint.

Because of Tony’s past history, Steve was allowed to stay with Tony the next morning when they were putting Tony under. That morning was stressful. Neither of them was really dealing with the situation very well, but Steve put on a brave face for Tony. 

“You’ll be alright doll. The doctors and nurses will make sure you stay asleep. You’re safe Sweet Heart.” Soothed Steve as he held Tony's hand and kissed his forehead. Suddenly, Tony pulled his hand away from Steve’s and began signing. 

_“Scared. Can’t go through it again. Can’t do it again!”_ signed Tony as his good eye frantically tried to focus on Steve’s face.

“I know you’re scared. I am too. But you’ll be alright baby.”

It wasn’t long after that that the anesthesia took hold and Tony was being wheeled off to surgery. Steve had a few tears in his eyes as he watched Tony go.

Steve didn’t really want to dwell too much on what was going on. This was going to be a long surgery and he needed to occupy his time. He started by going back to his and Tony’s room and taking a shower. He let the hot water warm him up after spending so long in medical. He let it try and wash his worries away.

It didn’t work.

Next Steve got changed into something more comfortable. Just some sweatpants and a grey sweater that he knew Tony loved. He also grabbed some clothes and blankets for Tony. Just little things that would bring him some comfort. According to the doctors, Tony still had a long path of recovery ahead of him and he’d be in medical for a while yet. Steve wanted to make sure that the love of his life was comfortable. He knew that Tony would do the same for him. There was one point at the beginning of their relationship when Steve had gotten hurt and needed to spend the night in medical. Tony absolutely smothered him in blankets and didn’t leave his side.

They really were made for each other.

By the time Steve got back to medical, he had ample time to set up Tony’s room to make it more comfortable. Someone had also brought in a cot for him so that he was no longer sleeping on the couch in the corner of the room. Steve took his time setting things up but by the time he was done, Steve still had another couple of hours to wait.

Instead of sitting around, Steve went to go find the other Avengers. He needed to just talk to somebody about something else other than Tony being sick. He ended up finding Sam and Bucky working out together in the gym. They gladly offered Steve a distraction and a snack.

JARVIS was the one to alert Steve to the fact that Tony was out of surgery and being taken back to his room. Steve said his goodbyes and raced back to medical so that he could be at Tony's side. He thanked the doctors profusely for helping Tony and then sat down at his fiancé’s side and just held his hand. Tony’s face was absolutely swathed in bandages that had tinges of blood around the edges. He was glad that Tony was still asleep because he knew that if Tony was awake that he’d be in pain despite the pain meds he was on.

So, Steve just sat there and held Tony’s hand in his. He thanked the universe that the love of his life hadn’t died in that explosion. They could deal with everything else together, but Steve knew that it would irreparably shatter him if he were to lose Tony. 

Life wouldn’t be worth living without him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we go. Finally, the turning point where the angst slowly starts to turn into fluff. I hope you’re ready. Also, this one’s a little short cuz I’ve been busy with school. I’ve got so many projects and pictures to take for my classes. Actually, huge self-plug. If you like photography and cool low light stuff, follow my insta, [@nova_light_photography](https://www.instagram.com/nova_light_photography/) -Shadows

It took Tony a few days to finally start to see the positive effects of the surgery. The infection went away and Tony’s fever broke. He was no longer throwing up and his throat was finally on the mend. Tony was slowly getting healthier and both Tony and Steve were happy about that.

But with better health and longer periods of wakefulness came Tony having to confront what had happened to him In one bad explosion Tony had lost an eye and his voice. His face and neck were now covered in scars. His other eye had been damaged a little bit so he’d need glasses now. And yes, Tony could still communicate with ASL or writing, but he couldn’t talk.

He couldn’t talk.

Tony had always considered his voice and ability to use it to manipulate situations one of his greatest powers. Right next to his intelligence. Now he didn’t have that. No more talking. No more loud laughter. No more saying simple things such as “I love you”. That really hurt.

Well, at least Tony knew that he was still getting married to Steve. Actually, that had been one of the things helping Tony keep it together. He loved Steve so damn much. Tony wanted to cling to the happiness he’d found with Steve. But this…? This was a major set back and Tony didn’t know how to feel about anything anymore. He just hurt all the time and he was scared. So damn scared.

And Steve knew.

“Tony, come on. Please. Please tell me what’s going on. You’ve been sitting here with tears in your eyes. I… Tony.” Pleaded Steve one afternoon while the two were laying in Tony’s medical bed together. Tony just shook his head and snuggled in closer to Steve’s side.

“Please Sweet Heart. Please. I want to help you but I can’t if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.

 _“Well, that’s the problem.”_ Signed Tony furiously. _“I can’t tell you what’s wrong. I can’t say anything anymore. I’m in pain and I can't speak anymore and I can’t see properly anymore. I can’t be who I was anymore!”_

By the end of Tony’s little tirade, he was shaking like a leaf while a steady stream of tears fell from his eye. Steve instantly held Tony closer and rested his head against Tony’s He hated seeing the love of his life so sad.

“Tony. Sweet Heart. It doesn’t matter to me if you can’t talk anymore. What I care about is that you’re alive and here with me. And you will always be Tony Stark. You are still powerful Tony. Even without your voice. I love you, Tony. I love you so damn much and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you’re comfortable. I’m not leaving Tony. Not unless you tell me to.” Soothed Steve as he ran a comforting hand up and down Tony’s back.

They sat in silence for a few moments with only the beeping of machines and each other’s heartbeats for company. While sitting there in Steve’s arms, Tony thought long and hard about what he should do. He knew that he was feeling like shit and that feeling had been building for a long, long time. Tony had dealt with mental health problems since he was a kid being kidnapped and beat on a regular basis. Then there was Stane and the drinking and drugs and gaslighting. Then Afghanistan and Loki and AIM. Honestly, Tony needed help. Help that he knew that Steve couldn’t always give him even though he tried. Now, Tony didn’t want to admit any weakness, but he knew when to throw in the towel. He needed help, plain and simple. 

_“I think… I think I need to see a therapist. I think I need help with this.”_ Signed Tony as he shook like crazy at Steve’s side. If Tony were still a kid, Howard would have called him weak and beat his ass for asking to see a therapist. But Tony knew he needed help. Steve showed him that it was ok to ask for help and Steve’s opinion mattered more than Howard’s. Howard was dead. Steve was here with him now showering him with love.

“I’m so proud of you doll. So proud of you for asking for help. We’ll get you help. We’ll get you healing. I promise Sweet Heart. So proud of you.” Cooed Steve as he held Tony close and kissed his forehead.

The two ended up falling asleep together. The doctors brought in a bigger bed the next day.

The day after Tony’s little realization, he was introduced to a therapist named Josie McClaire. She was an expert in long-term trauma and also happened to be fluent in ASL. That was a huge plus. Hopefully now Tony could start to figure out how to cope with the aftermath of everything. From his first kidnapping to losing his eye and voice, Tony had a lot to unpack. 

But now he was on the road to healing. And Steve was right there. Right at his side offering the support Tony needed and craved.

He didn’t have to be alone. Not anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one here guys. School is ramping up and that’s my priority. But it’s still a good one so at least there’s that. I hope you enjoy this one. Don’t forget to drop a comment if you want to. -Shadows

Starting therapy did wonders for Tony’s mental health once he got over his self-imposed barriers. There was a definite improvement to Tony’s mood now that he was figuring out his feelings over everything that had happened to him. But it was still slow going.

Because it was slow going, Tony often had bad days where he had to deal with a mix of regular therapy and physical therapy. Tony needed to work on strengthening his broken leg as well as work on his coordination not that he was missing an eye.

Tony had a long road of recovery ahead of him. He was lucky to have Steve at his side and amazing friends who had his back. When Tony was a kid he never thought that he’d have anything resembling a family of his own. He thought he’d be alone forever.

But it still didn’t always make the bad days easier.

There were days were Tony woke up in pain. Days where Tony became so frustrated with himself that he’d start crying silent tears. Days where his own silence was too much to bear. Those were the days when Tony wanted nothing more than to just scream at the world. To scream and let it all out. To scream about the injustice of it all.

The most Tony could ever let out were some painful little grunts that made him shut up pretty quick.

“You know I’m proud of you, right Tony?” spoke Steve one night as they were laying together in Tony’s medical bed watching some mindless comedy special on Netflix. Tony just blinked back at him and nodded sluggishly. He wasn’t in the mood to really deal with all the mushy gushy stuff that came with being in a relationship with Steve.

“I mean it, Tony. I’m so, so proud of you. You’ve… you’ve been through so much and you’ve beaten the odds every single time. You work so hard, every damn day. I couldn’t be happier to call such a strong man my fiancé. You make my life better.” Spoke Steve as he smiled down at Tony.

Tony just looked back up at Steve and pressed the sign for “I love you” into Steve’s chest, right above his heart. Although Tony wasn’t in the mood for all the mushy stuff, he knew that Steve meant every last word that he had said. That was one thing that Tony was sure of. That Steve loved him. And that he loved Steve. 

For so long Tony had been certain that he’d never have anything like this. Howard, Stane, and a few horrible ex’s like Ty Stone and Sunset Bain had done a number on his in the past and had left Tony with a bit of a messed up view of himself. Afghanistan hadn’t helped much either. But getting together with Steve had shown Tony that he could be loved. That he wasn’t bad. He was just human and humans make mistakes.

Steve made Tony feel like he was finally worthy of love.

Three days later found the two lovers lying together in Tony’s medial bed once again. Tony was fiddling with some new blueprints while he relaxed after a gruelling physio session while Steve was scrolling through social media with furrowed eyebrows.

“ _What’s wrong?”_ asked Tony. 

“The internet keeps bugging me for updates on you.” Sighed Steve as he showed Tony the astronomical amount of notifications on his phone.

“ _Then post something.”_

“Are you sure? I don’t want to say too much.” Worried Steve.

_“Just post something sappy and let me read it before you post it. Deal?”_

“Deal.”

The picture Steve posted was a recent one. There were still some bandages on Tony’s face but they were mostly hidden by the way Tony's face was laying on Steve’s chest. Plus the photo was taken by Natasha one night from the doorway to Tony’s room. She had seen the two sleeping together and couldn’t help but take the picture and send it to Steve. It was sweet and Tony looked so peaceful. Probably the most at peace he could be while still in medical and attached to machines.

So, with Tony’s permission, Steve posted the picture with the following caption.

_I’ve never been prouder of you my love. You are so strong. You’ve beaten the odds. You’re trucking it through your therapies. You make me so happy every day. I’m glad I get to have you. I’m glad you’re still here with me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. You inspire me every day. I love you Tony Stark. I can’t wait to marry you._

Instagram was down for over an hour after Steve posted the picture. There was an outpouring of support and Steve had to turn his phone off because of the sheer amount of notification that he was getting. People were glad to see that Tony was alive and healing, but that only seemed to raise more questions about Tony’s state and what exactly happened.

The Avengers hadn’t said anything about what actually happened to Tony since the accident had happened. They didn’t want the public to know until Tony was ready for them to know. Everyone would just have to suck it up and wait because it was all on Tony now. This was his call to make.

But for now, Tony was just focused on healing. He wanted to heal and get better so that he could finally walk down the aisle and marry the love of his life. He wanted that so badly it hurt.

And he was getting there. Slowly but surely he was getting there. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some more fluff and angst. I hope you’re ready. We’ve got another short one here but I promise that they’re about to get longer again. School is just a bit crazy. I have to make a whole ass magazine for one of my classes. Well, it’s only 12 pages but I have so many articles to write and take all my own pictures for it so it’s a lot of work. Well, I hope you enjoy the chapter. -Shadows

Tony was having a bad day. He was no stranger to bad days, but he’d been having a lot of them since the accident. Tony was about to have the bandages taken off of his face and neck for good. And while Tony was excited about the prospect of no longer looking like a mummy, the thought of showing his eyeless face and scared up neck to the world filled Tony with dread.

One of the things that Tony had always clung too even in his darkest moments, was that he was attractive. Tony Stark always knew that he was attractive, and not in a self-obsessed way. Tony’s looks were often one of the only things Tony got genuinely nice compliments on. His looks were what the public liked. Hell, he’d even gotten sexiest man alive two years in a row.

So the prospect of showing off his scared features to the world was setting Tony on edge.

Then there was also the fact that Steve was talking about their wedding again. Normally, talking about their wedding plans gave Tony hope. Not that day. That day, talking about their up-and-coming nuptials filled Tony with a sort of dread. Not because he didn’t want to get married. No, Tony very much wanted to marry Steve. No, it was more to do with Tony’s new appearance as well as his lack of words.

Not being able to talk was not something Tony liked. And sure, he’d been going over that with his therapist, but it was still hard. He’d spent his entire life using his words like a shield. Now they were gone. He used to be able to see. He used to see universes and their infinite possibilities. Now Tony only saw blurry visions of what once was. He had to wear glasses now. He was covered in scars and was pushing the wrong side of 40.

Needless to say, Tony had been feeling extremely insecure about everything. He just felt empty.

Tony didn’t know what to do anymore.

Steve and his ever mother henning glory, noticed that Tony had been feeling off again. He understood why. Tony had gone through something life-changing and traumatic. Of course he’d be feeling horrible. Steve would be concerned of Tony wasn’t feeling bad about what had happened.

But that still didn’t make it any easier to see the love of his life looking like a shell of his former self on the bad days.

“Tony, I know that something’s eating at you. What’s wrong Sweet Heart?” asked Steve as the two sat side by side on the bed. Tony had been staring at the wall for over half an hour and Steve knew that his fiancé was trapped inside his own head.

It took a while for Tony to reply to anything. He just sat there contemplating everything. He was going into a downward spiral and he didn’t like where it was going. All his insecurities were bubbling to the surface, visible in the pools of tears starting to form in his eye.

“Oh, Tony.” Sighed Steve as he saw the tears begin to form. He took Tony into his arms and rested his head against Tony’s. 

_“Do you regret it?”_ signed Tony, his hands shaking as more tears fell.

“Regret what baby?” worried Steve. He didn’t like where this was going.

 _“Asking me to marry you_.”

Steve pulled back from Tony in shock. Was Tony seriously thinking that?

“Tony…” worried Steve as he looked at his fiancé. Tony’s hands were shaking and his lips were trembling.

 _‘I’m old. I’m scarred. I’m ugly now. I can’t speak or see right anymore. I’ve got too much trauma and too many issues. How can you look at me and love me?”_ signed Tony as tears rolled down his cheek and he began openly sobbing. 

Steve sat there in shock as he let Tony’s words wash over him. Steve had always hated the fact that Tony thought so little of himself. The world had been so cruel to his beloved. Tony had endured too much and Steve wished that he could take away all the hurt. All the insecurities. He needed Tony to know how loved he really was.

Steve pulled Tony in closer and tucked Tony’s head under his chin. He ran his arms over Tony’s back and arms. The touch was grounding for both of them.

“Anthony Edward Stark, you mean the world to me. You are my first, my last, and my everything. I wouldn’t be half the man I am without you. You are the absolute love of my life. You’re my soulmate… and it hurts to see how little you think of yourself. If I could go back and punch Howard and Stane in the face then I would. You deserve the world, Tony. You’re my world.” Spoke Steve, firmly yet gently. He needed tony to know how much he loved him. 

“ _No… I’m…”_ signed Tony as more tears fell and his breathing hitched.

“No. none of that. You are not old. If you’re old then what does that make me?” that got a small smile out of Tony. “And your scars? They’re proof that you’re alive and here in my arms. And I don’t care if you can’t speak anymore, you can still communicate. And all your trauma? It doesn’t faze me. Tony, you will never be able to scare me off. I love you so damn much. I wake up every day and know that life is worth living because you’re here with me. I look at you and all I see is my entire universe. I love you, Tony. I will always love you.” 

_“I love you too.”_ Signed back Tony.

After calming down some, Tony felt exhausted. Steve made sure he was comfortable in his arms before Tony slipped off to sleep. He needed the rest. There had been a lot of big emotions and no doubt he’d be having a meeting with his therapist the next day. She really was a good therapist.

As Tony dozed in his arms, Steve took a moment to think. The two of them had been through a lot in the last few years. Tony more so than any member of the team bar for Bucky. He needed a break. They both did. Maybe they should take a vacation. Somewhere warm where they could be alone. They hadn’t originally thought of taking a honeymoon, but after Tony’s accident, it seemed like a good idea to take one. Smiling, Steve leant down and kissed the crown of Tony’s head before he whispered a little message to him. 

“You deserve the world, Tony. You deserve everything.”


End file.
